2008

With minutes to 2009, I'm rushing to summarise 2008.

From end of Nov.. I've been planning what shall i blog about 2008. But till now.. there's no 1 word that seemed to summarise 2008. Either.. I don't know where to start.. or too many things to say..

I don't feel sad leaving 2008.. bt not too eager to welcome 2009 either..

This year was filled with anxiety, fear, death, fakes, solitude, expectations. How 2009 will be any different? I don't know..

"....It will be better...."

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Abt an hr ago before I reached hm.. Ma bro smsed me.. "Ada org jadi superman kat blok". When I reached... policemen were ard and the body have yet to be removed from the scene, but it was covered.

It was an Indonesian maid.. and the sad thing is, she was scheduled to go back home 2mrw after completing her contract. Dunnoe what's her religion tho.. or wat caused her fall.. Foul play or accident... Wallahu'alam..

But am praying for her soul to rest in peace..

Wonder what was in her mind when she fell..

Innalillah wa inna Illaihi roji'un..

Dec 31, '08 11:43 PM

Bad Habit Dies Hard

I went for an op recently to remove ma tonsilitis. Apparently, e enlarged tonsils were causing me to have mild sleep apnea. Alhamdulillah, wif e removal, I can feel e difference.

After e op, I couldn't eat. I was suppose to go on soft diet. Talking was painful, what else swallowing!!.. That period lah.. when u can hear me talking so softly, and ma mouth's not munching 24/7.. And.. I wasn't allowed to smoke as it'd hurt e throat.. and slow down e healing process.. Before I went for e op. I was telling ma gf, Naz.. "How to survive sia... cannot smoke!!" But, of course.. I managed to pull it thru.. and finally I thot I could quit smoking.

Before this, it never came across ma mind how I shall quit smoking. I know.. in e long run, I will.. but not just yet. Whenever someone talks to me abt quitting.. I'd just turn a deaf ear..

Going thru e recovery period, no matter how painful it was then, I felt like it was a blessing in disguise. I was thinking... In no time... I'd be a non smoker.. I was even mad when ma bros started smoking in the house.. asking them to smoke in e room or kitchen where I wasn't near. Well.. not because of e temptation.. but e smoke was really irritating ma throat.

After being cooped up at home for a week, I had to go for e review at e hosp. 1 week, no smoking at all. And I realised, my blood pressure was fine.. And I was sleeping much better.. So for a gd cause.. I shld be quitting. At this point, ma throat was already healing. Tho difficult, I switched back to e normal diet. I took slightly more time as chewing was still aching ma throat.

When I was heading to the mrt station, I passed by e shop wic I normally buy ma ciggies from. Si gatal ni.. pegi lah beli.. Thinking that.. I won't be able to finish that pack anyway. True enuf. after e first puff... "Tak sedapnya!!" And a funny thot came, why did I start smoking in e first place? :) I didn't throw e pack straightaway. Duit per.. I thot I'd just finish e pack and not buy anymore. I usually smoke 6-10 sticks per day. But at that period.. I took more than 4days to finish that 1 pack. That was not it. I went to buy e 2nd pack. I was smoking less than half a stick and threw it away. Because it didn't taste 'nice' anymore. Why? I dunnoe..

And now, I'm at e 3rd pack after e surgery. Am I that addictive?? And now, after these few days of smoking.. I can feel ma heart palpitating after each cig. Of course it's doing more damage to my lungs.. n not to mention worsening ma high blood pressure. But then, that didn't stop me from lighting the next cig. And in the past 12hrs, I just smoked 10sticks.. :(

How e hell do I stop maself from damaging ME??!!

AIYOH!!!!!!

I even reaffirmed to maself.. I am quitting e ciggies.. that I didn't put aside e expenses for em.. n I was telling ma frens that I finally am giving it up.. But sadly.. I am not doing it. I do have issues wif achieving ma goals.. Damn!!

On another note, could this be how it feels or looks like.. Being in love with e wrong person or in a relationship that is damaging u.. but u just can't let go just yet?

Ke situ plak aku ni.. Hehe..

Jul 28, '08 1:48 AM

The Soothing Voice

Leave me alone.

Just let me indulge in this idocrasy of mine.

When oh when will I get to see him in person... ?

==================================

Jul 8, '08 12:49 AM

Monday Blues' Thots

Youth Day!!

Today's a bit out of routine.. Didn't have to report to work as usual.. But was required to attend a training for us.. e student care teachers... Had a gd time of sharing and sorts wif e rest of e tchrs from other ctrs..

So.. we learnt more abt our kids.. e chn dat fill up our days.. =D

We came to a pt where we note down e kind of different changes chn go thru.. E physical, cognitive, emotional, relationship developments.. Most of us do agree.. that gals will go thru puberty at an earlier age compared to the boys.. So they say.. gals mature faster than the boys. They tend to take care of their physical look, more vain than the guys..

Other than scientific reasons.. I was thinking to maself.. I bet.. other than e biological changes in e body that happened.. there must be an exterior factor that contribute to e earlier maturing in gals compared to boys..

And I came to this conclusion.

Chn see us as role models. They want to be us. They can't seem to wait to grow up and do things that we're doing now. Since most primary caregivers are female, the gals look up to e female adults in terms of clothings.. make up.. even the way we talk.. To me.. they're just curious.. and when u don for em e make up or accessories.. they are able to tell that they do look better.. or in fact look different.. that's when e vanity takes place..

Ok.. do i make any sense here? Cause I seem to be running out of words to explain the complicated thots in ma head, trying to straighten em out..

Like you know.. u dun have to agree wif me.. So maybe u have a better, more sensible theory..

Do share it wif me..

Btw, am just discussing this topic regarding chn btwn e age of 7-12.. because at 13 and older.. different changes take place due to a lot more things..

It's just e start of the week!!

=D

Jul 7, '08 11:42 PM

Love You More

To be in this kinda relationship? I rather not be in one at all..

But it's kinda common nowadays, isn't it? So it's better known as sex buddies without e feelings afterall..

But then again.. what's a relationship wifout feelings? Even among friends.. we have love for each other..

One of ma faves by Eminem...

Jun 3, '08 10:50 PM

Feelings, no?

They can kill u

Start an argument

Misunderstandings

Hurt

Cry

Regrets

At their best,

They can make u smile.. luff.. butterflies in your stomach..

The good ones will be remembered and hold dear.. The bad will be remembered too.. bt wif grudge being held..

And they are just merely...

W O R D S

REMINDER: I only have ma heart n brain to depend on how they can affect me.

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At e mmt, am just done being The Idealist.

So now.. it's either left or right...

=D

Apr 16, '08 10:23 PM

Endah tak Endah

Seandainya merpati menyusul kembali

Bawalah khabar seindah pelangi

Seandainya hadir kedua kali

Lenyapkan kisah yang tersemadi

Pendamkan rindu kenangan terindah

Jangan bertandang mengikut amarah

Lelapkan mata biarpun gundah

Kelak nanti diri yang parah

Titipkan salam pesan sejati

Diulitkan mimpi berentak naluri

Kiaskan budi setulus hati

Buat pengharap meniti hari

Andai tersusun madah beralas

Usah dikupas makna tersirat

Diagung disanjung biar berbalas

Hanya ungakapan sekadar pengerat

Apr 11, '08 12:01 AM

If...

If ma purpose is to make coffee..

E coffee maker vs. the kettle n 3 in 1 coffee..

I am the latter..

To reheat food..

Over the stove vs. microwave oven..

I am the latter...

The Food processor vs. the blender..

I am still the latter...

Train vs. Bus...

I am the latter.. unless e cashflow permits.. cab is the best!! Haha..

So.. dun expect spontaneous or an impromptu gesture or instant results from me..

Because, definitely.. am nt at ma best..

And.. If anything were to come out from me in a short time.. Prolly, there's a high chance I've thot of it before..

I realised.. I can make a fool of maself if I dun think.. Bt when I think.. I'll think.. rethink.. n think again.. n sumtimes.. I'd just stop thinking altogether.. n find sumthing more interesting to think abt..

So, what's this got to do wif all e above... I really dunnoe...

But for instant Milo 3 in 1 vs i have to mix all maself..

I prefer the first wif e water boiled from e coffe maker... =P

Mar 1, '08 12:00 AM

Deep Sleep

To declare me as whom he will call his

Among the roses, I saw him last night

I've never imagined as true as it is

He was there in a colour that was light

As we approached

He was wearing a smile

Getting down from the coach

Like I've been thru a thousand miles

Flowers dropped into ma arms

Along with it, there was a box

Soothing ma ears wif his beautiful humms

It was there secured with locks

I could see him leading me there

Finding a place for us to share

The secrets we have long to bare

Could love actually be in the air?

Sumthing I thot that couldn't be true

It was there right in front of me

Whether or not the time is due

I am taking it, as long as it may be

Where have you been, oh my darling dear?

Could I have met all the wrongs and find u near?

I shan't n won't shed a tear

Cos I know u'r always here...

Feb 16, '08 11:55 PM

Random

I placed my sight faraway

That I refused to see what's in front of me

All I can do now is to type out your name

And let the world noe that it is me

For all I care

I myt not be the person I used to be

I called out his name for he can help me out

I dun want to tell u what's in within me

And I'll let u figure me out instead

For all the kindness u've showered me

I dun want to say who can go back there with me

Feb 12, '08 10:23 PM

I have a question...

I love all ma children all the same.

Whether it's an 8 year old China gal who 'forces' me to converse with her in my half past six Mandarin.. to a quiet, hot tempered 10 yr old gal that has more physical strength than I do.. or a 12yr old 'I can't be bothered bt I'm nt sure whether I'm listening to u' boy

So now, I have a qn for ALL of u who r reading these.

As a 12 yr old. what did u hate abt ur teacher the most?

Jan 25, '08 12:48 AM

Bid Farewell to 2007

"And I am still waiting e love in u to blossom..for me."

=D - Dec 2006

Am so out of ideas on how I shall blog this out. It's been sumthing I've been doing annually. Prolly because, I am not that excited to welcome the new year. The thought that I am entering e second part of e quarter of e century. Gosh!! Time really flies eh..

It felt like it was only yesterday, how I was so eager n anxious waiting for 2007 to come. With the new job then. Planning for a holiday.. which I didn't get to go this year.. =(

And I actually went partying only 4 times this year. When it used to be a weekly affair, now it's every quarter year?? No wonder I've been putting back those weight. Damn! Hehe..

I learnt a lot abt maself this year. I learnt more n more abt what made me the person I am today. The lessons that were there for me to learn, bt I didn't or never understood. Thank God, I've learnt n am still learning of letting go of e past n moving on.

Not to mention the many kinds of relationships I had with some of e friends. Friends. It's not abt the quantity.. bt the quality of the friendships that I treasure most. And I actually dun quite give a damn if some individuals think that I am being ungrateful or sortz.

But if there's one word to describe 2007.. DREAMS.

I got more n more inspired to achieve ma dreams. In fact, to even HAVE dreams. Not that I dun believe in dreams.. bt I thot it was only for those lucky ones.. I proved maself wrong, when I was able to achieve sum of the dreams that I listed down. The OPS was definitely the start of e dreams. The start where I wasn't afraid to be even dreaming about dreams.

Of course.. it wasn't always pretty. Had some hiccups here n there.. Job. Family. Friends.

I learnt to be more selfish than I already was. I realised that family fills up the void, esp wif ma nieces and nephew ard. Like how they say it, "What doesn't kill u, makes u stronger." Oh boy, I had that first hand. Have always been facing it, just that I didn't noe hw to use it.

Come to think of it. a lot of things happened this year. Mostly in regards to friendships n family.. But all are insignificant for me to remember.. Because I was so preoccupied with how to achieve wat I wanna achieve.

That's about all I guess.. Now, am back to achieving ma dreams. =D

Believe in DREAMS

Believe in YOUR dreams

Believe in ACHIEVING the dreams

In case u didn't know, complaining n whining will never be able to help u achieve what u desire.

Well, of course, dun U forget to pray to HIM. Ask him.. Because NO ONE or anything can give u wat u want. But if u dun get it for a reason or another, REDHA. For HE knows what's BEST for us.

So, 2008 = MORE DREAMS ACHIEVED!!!

=D

Happy 2008 all!!

Jan 1, '08 12:31 AM