Whatever Happened?

The fantasies are all lined up now

Knocking on ma senses if i need em sumhow

I can't tell u how hungry I am without the hunger

I can't tell u how angry I am without the anger

I wanna trip u down e hallway

I wanna keep u anyway

Knocking very hard now

Waiting for e lines

I smoked n drank

I cleaned..spick n span

The very thots that told me

That I need to shout and curse u

baby, baby, baby

Shut down ma brain

Reboot ma vain

Ease ma pain

Link ma chain

Aint perfect

Aint no sense

Aint no story

Aint no lie

Aint no everything

Cos,

Everything will die

Read me, tell me, curse me, hate me, envy me, adore me

I'd turn around and do exactly e same...

If I am bothered enuf to stay in e game...

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So u need to be hurt & depressed to write a gd piece of work? Well, personally, I do...

So obviously, I am not born a writer..:P

Just look at the way I am writing now...

All praises to HIM

Good news ain't it? It means life is treating me better than before..Hahaha...

And I pray it stays..Insyallah...

SO i suppose that could be what happened to Em eh? ;)

Nah..u dun have to understand...

=D

Apr 18, '07 11:11 PM

Jas ma thots...

I have dreams & goals to achieve. I am not sure what it is based on. But somehow I will do what it takes for me to achieve 'em.

I seek courage to overcome ma fears. I seek strength to work on my weaknesses. I might be dreaming to attain all the things I want. But then again, what's life without dreams?

I've learned so much so far. But am I working it out to be where I WANT TO BE??

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YA ALLAH!!

To you only that I seek strength and guidance. Its funny how when I seemed to be getting all the things I asked for. And at e same time, you tested me by laying out the temptations and to ma dismay, I lost. Upon realising all these, I still do not do anythinng, in fact, doing more and worse mistakes.

YA ALLAH!!

I pray and ask from you to get rid of the wrong things that I am doing. Because only from you that I shall ask for.

Dekatilah aku kepadamu ya Allah.

Sesungguhnya, nikmat yang diberi tanpa beribadah kepadamu, sungguh tidak bermakna.

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Dilimpahkan nikmat ku lupa diri

Dibebani masalah ku cuba menginsafi

Adakah hidup harus senantiasa susah utk kita mengingatinya?

Wallahu'alam

Apr 23, '07 12:10 AM

Revisiting Ma Past

Gd evening..ishk..dah macam nak buat public announcement plak..Hehe..

I've been wanting to blog abt this for sumtime now since I started ma new job more than 3mths ago..

When I first started, I thot e issue was only gonna be there for awhile since I was new at it..Bt then I realised, it still exist till now..

I am in e education line..to be precise..I am a studentcare facilitator..Kalau berbual kasar..kira mcm baby sitter je lah..Day in day out..we overlook e students (P1-P6) daily activities..their meals..showers..homework n etc..before n after school...

The real issue is.."How often do u feel that ur revisiting ur childhood?"

In ma job..I tend to do just that..almost every other day..

I would recall how would I react given a certain situation..For eg..When I was required to finish ma hw on time..bt I didn't..How did I survive then? N I would always wonder..y did ma teacher would always scold me for ma untidy handwriting? And sum other things too..

Sumtimes I get too occupied with ma own past while tending to e children that I neglected em sumtimes...

N when I see these kids..I tend to relate them to ma frens..Thru e bdays..Hehe..n sumhow..there's a lil bit of similarity..N I found a gal..who shares e same bday as me..N I realised..y most adults dun have time to entertain ma never ending qns at dat time..Hehe..N at times, I'd just tell maself.."This is Nuraishah, this is Duan Qin, De Hai"..n so on..connecting em wif ma childhood frens / classmates...

For eg today, I recalled ma past again..Was waiting for e children to end school at e canteen..Once school was dismissed..More than half headed for e canteen..and most of em was queueing up for food..Must be hungry eh? Hehe..N most reached for e snacks of course..No wonder I put on alot of weight during those years...Hehe

Oh well..that's just a few things that I wld like to share today..N every other day..There's just sumthing that I'll share wif ma colleagues..Till they mentioned, "U sure remembe r ur childhood a lot.." So to those who are teaching in schools..do u experience e same?

=D

Apr 9, '07 9:39 PM

The Third

Its been e third

Everything's changed except the hurt

When u asked me the other day,

I said I was OK

"I'm doing great..

I have no hate.."

Bt deep in within me,

For everything that I tried to be

I wish to say..

I still hope u'd stay

Tho,

I am glad that I vowed

For every hurt

For every pain

For every misery

Looking back..

There were many things I could jas do right

And some other things that we shld avoid

Bt those taught us..well..maself to say

To see what's worth to love or play

Being a Fantasizer,

I secretly dream of u fighting to come back..

Bt being a Controller,

U think its love that I lack..

Oh well,

Its nearing..bt of all things..

It was one hell of a great experience..

Falling in love wif u..

Being in love wif u..

Getting out of love wif u..

Still trying..

Tho its way overdue..

Bt I think..

I am done..

Over u..

=D

Well wishes..

Apr 5, '07 1:13 AM