Ice Pick Headache

After the painful event of paint ball last year, I was accompanied by frequent visits of the ice pick headache. I was pre warned that it will be a part of me for awhile when I was diagnosed with Post Concussion Syndrome following the event.

http://kimzzyhah.blogspot.sg/2012/10/paintball.html

However, after almost a year, I think it is back again. Aigoo..

How or why it came back, I am not sure. But the pain is all to familiar. And I can recall how I dealt it the previous time.

I am trying to search how I can relief the pain naturally but to no avail. Other than the same old advice of relaxing, exercising etc. Am giving it a couple of days. If it worsens, I shall pay a visit to the doctor.

Not fun.

And to know that is not common. Kinda scare me a lil bit. :/

#icepickheadache

Running Man

I knew about this programme when I saw the trailers and from my nieces. But never really sat down and watched the whole episode. I told them the games wasn't that fun. I am not quite a fan of variety shows. (Except for the 1st season of  2 Days 1 Night in 2009. But after they changed the casts, I don't follow them like how I used to look forward to the re runs on Wednesday nights on KBS.) Most times, I'd just skipped the show and watched if there isn't anything else on TV.

I was channel surfing one late Friday night and decided to tune in the show( Episode 130) as it just started for 15 mins. Halfway through the show, I realised, the concept was really interesting! Thought it's a variety show, it had a story line! That got me glued to my seat. And the name tag ripping was just entertaining! Then, since it was airing 2 episodes back to back, I continued to watch the following.

The next thing I know, I was hooked. I spent the whole weekend searching for links. Unfortunately, during the weekend, 4 of them came to Singapore... :(

So since then, I've been watching at least an episode a day..

To think that it has been aired since 2010, I felt like a late bloomer.

My favourite has to be The Commander! And like many others, I hope that the Monday Couple will date for real! :P

In my opinion, the cast of Running Man is really unique that if one of them is missing, it is just incomplete. However, I really appreciate the brilliant works of the production team and everyone who made it possible for the show to be aired. And the creative and tough games that challenge both mind and physical strengths!

Special shout outs to the whole crew of Running Man!! The editors, animators, audio and visual technicians. Just all of them!!  And not forgetting to +kshownowFORggdb for the subs.

Now, I look forward to Monday nights to catch the latest show. Haha!!

And my wish is for them to keep running!!

Running Man Fighting!!

Oh When?

When oh when can I go to Em's concert?

+Eminem

It's taking its toll on me ..

It takes me so long to realise..
It's ok to do the wrong things, as long as you don't get caught.
People only remember the wrong things you do, but not the right.

So someone told me today to ask myself if I want to be part of the problem or do I want to do something to solve the problem.

Faith restored and crushed, restored just to be crushed again.

I guess, my time is up soon.

How soon? I don't know. Maybe to a point that faith can no longer be restored.

And maybe because, sometimes I forget, that Allah loves me much that He send me these trials and tribulations from people who don't know the real me, from people whom I had so much trust in, from people who are just not enough with 2 faced, but 'gifted' with 3-4 faces.. Haha!!

And a good friend told me, "Don't fight a losing battle."

So, do I just give up?

No, I just choose to be the better person. So I shall just swallow everything for now. For as long as I can hold it out.

Only Allah can heal this heart of mine that has been hurt really bad.

Just A Number

Phew!!

All praises to Allah.. that I have reached yet another year.

However, it wasn't at all bad as compared to last year. When I felt so pressurised trying to achieve a lot of things in a very short time.

The turn of events sure wasn't what I was expecting. But that's life, isn't it? It comes right at you when you least expect it. =D

52 Sundays

52 Sundays have passed
Am I lost?
More lost than ever
Am I still hopeful
Hopes are gone along with the dreams
Am I okay?
What more can I say

52 Sundays have passed
I don't want to go through another 52 Sundays to be reminded of the what if's

52 Sundays can never come back
52 Sundays can't change the hope, the dreams, the flaws and mistakes
52 Sundays sure didn't come out right
52 Sundays didn't help me to be sure of what there is

52 Sundays have shifted me to a couple of paradigms
52 Sundays have taught me of who I want to be
52 Sundays have revealed who I really am
52 Sundays have showed me what I don't want to be
52 Sundays have brought me to places I thought I'd never be in
52 Sundays were definitely where I didn't want to be

However, 52 Sundays ago did change my life
For better or worse?
Maybe another 52 Sundays will tell me so.

2013 - Interesting Beginning

Not that the year has ended.

I left 2012 with high hopes that things will get better. But little did I know, the worst was yet to come.

I know because He loves me much that He sends these trials and tribulations.

Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Am not recovered. Not fully. Until I understand and adhere to the purpose in life.

Expectations. Don't have any. Do not. Not all with your heart, Nazihah.

Please learn already.

You have done too much damage to yourself in the expense of your loved ones who can't really tell you that they are hurt as well.

Redha.

The book is still there.

Only chucked aside.

Open it back only when you are ready.

Until you know, there isn't any expectations of yourself.

GMT 0400

Pangs of Pain

Outspoken but introvert.

Loud but sensitive.

I don't cry as much as I should.

But when I do, I don't care where am I. In public. While working. In the shower.

I am petty and emotional over petty things because I suppress my emotions when it comes to the real things.

I am afraid to fall again as I am tired of falling without being caught.

I need to remind myself time and again, to each his own. The opinions, the joys, the problems, the sad that others are experiencing are not mine to begin with.

Problems are there to be solved, right? Only if it is mine.

When it doesn't hurt anymore, I am not too sure myself because it is over or I have turned numb.

I cared and tried so hard to impress that I neglect me.

The drugs just don't work anymore.

How ironic that I am afraid to love but still want to experience it anyway.

How others handle their problems, that is how I raise the bar each time when I know their problems are bigger than mine. But I truly forget, that I am just me.

I want to let go of these expectations.

I am not perfect. I am not a perfectionist. I have to stop thinking I am.

I screw up.

Big time.

Life. Family. Work. Wealth. Health. Love. Friends.

But I know I have my family and friends who love me just the way I am. So why don't I see myself how they see me as?

Trust. What is there to live for when there is none left?

GMT 0345

Cleared

I should have known

I opened the door

So, I have to close it back now

Lock it up and throw the key..

Far, far away..

I wouldn't knew

What I put at risk

So, they say, Go and grab the chance

And never look back

Was it worth the risk?

Was it all worth the tears and pain?

Was it all worth it?

"Nobody said it was easy.. No one said it would be this hard."

Life, of what we once knew.. suddenly change.

Did it, really?

You were just too blind. Blinded, my friend.

Blinded of the what ifs and why nots

Maybe.. just maybe.. I need a new pair of glasses.

=D

A Point of No Return

Current mood:drained

8 months ago..
Prolly around this time, I was having that dream.. that started all of these.
Never did I expect, that things could turn out this way.
Nor did I wish that I will reach here. A point of no return.
Yes, it may not mean a thing to you. Or why don't I get the idea that u were never interested.
Trust me, I am done convincing myself. I am done telling myself to move on already. I am done wondering of the what ifs. I am done. Was about to. But every time when I did, you kept coming back. In my dreams.
It has never been easy for me. It is painful. And you think I am not practical or logical enough? You think I was not able to tell things apart?
At one point, I convinced myself that either I accept and continue to hope. Or drop everything else, and just move on. I chose the latter. Umpteen times. But time and again, I find myself hoping again.
I want my life back too!
I want my dreams back. I want all the things I wanted before I met you.
Don't talk to me about falling in love.
I didn't want it. Not yet. Not now.
I don't know.
And to know that you are still as lost, breaks my heart even more.

We only have God to depend on.

I am turning to a bigger fool than I already am.

Delusional

When the heart fails to listen

When the heart fails to believe

When the heart fails to accept

When the heart fails to acknowledge

When the heart fails to differentiate

At times, I just want to be heartless.. emotionless..