Day 7
I don't feel like updating anything today. Except for some tension at work for awhile. But it was resolved in within minutes. So it was fine. Good night world.
ZZzzzzzzzzz
Day 8
When I thought I was dead broke.. I found $300 in my wallet!! How cool was that? It was a pleasant surprise. I guess if I hadn't look for the phonecard, I wouldn't know I had money.. Hahaha.. But by the end of the day, I lost my favourite Burberry's lighter.. I guess.. When you gain something, you lose something else.. Scary.. I am grateful though that I didn't lose my wallet.. :)
Joy was sharing that she might have found her other half.. For once, I am truly happy for a friend.. For all the things she did to find the one.. I pray her that it's all gonna be worth it.. When I will find mine? Now that's another story .. =D
Day 9
Had planned so many things to do.. But ended up lazing around at Cu's place. Family bonding I guess.. But I was dissappointed with Hamzi.. Very dissappointing.. At the same time, I wonder what caused him to be the way he is.. It seemed like nothing can scare this guy.. Or whatever it is.. So many promises made, but none fulfille.. And that reminded me of Aaron. Could he also be that person who showers me with sweet nothings but didn't mean a single thing? I realise I fear of words from guys.. The praises and declarations..
Like I have mentioned to some people.. Until he is married to me.. Then, I shall put my whole trust, hear and soul in him... or on him.. Whatever.. :P
Day 11
I was just being lazi to go to work today.. So I decided to take the day of by calling in sick.. But I guess, it kinda got backfired. Apparently, I am suffering from chronic diarrhoea.. So, it means, if problem persists.. I got to go for further testing and sorts.. Damn.. I hate that period of going to and from the clinic.. Away from work.. Taking leave for all these.. It is just not worth it. And the money too..
The day ending with a boring thought of going to work tomorrow..
Bleargghh...
Day 13
I guess I am a difficult person indeed. It is no wonder why I am still single.. I feel my shoulders are heavy with responsibilities. At the same time I got to shoulder others' too.. I just feel like dropping everything and disappear.
Now.. That make me a coward..
Day 14
Work is all the same..
Only that I wonder what will happen if she chooses not to come back? I have mixed feelings. At times, I can see myself working there for the next ten years at least. But at times, I am not sure if I can even last for the next 3 months or so.
I don't know that AI is already airing. It started yesterday. Good thing, this is only the second episode. I don't really follow AI that much, but I did hope Lambert got the last one.. But then again, it doesn't matter 'cos it didn't matter my life a wee bit.
Not for now, or in the future. Unless the winner is someone close.. maybe myself.. :P. I still like watching AI, but mostly only during the auditions. You just see the many kinds of characters. Especially the different levels self-confidence portrayed. Interesting characters. And the best part, witnessing dreams being achieved. No words can describe. Even if it means, just to get through the auditions..
I longed for those days when I can personally taste the sweetness of victory, goals accomplished, dreams achieved. Regardless of whether it's personal, work related, family or lover, I definitely know, the day will come.
Hoorah!!
Day 15
Finally, weekend is just a day away. But the thought of having class tonight is making my day a bit unbearable. So I reversed it by cancelling the class. And after receiving the message of acknowledgement, I jumped in my heart. I am just hoping the teachers did their job well today. So as not for me to worry over the weekends.
I headed down to Cu's. Sometimes, I wonder if god has placed me in Cu's family, will I be able to survive.
I don't know anymore what's there to wonder actually. And what's the pint if I know how it feels or trying to help them figure out what's best for them. Not just them in particular.
At times, i can't predict myself. Like what to think .. or do ..
Day 16
A family bonding day again. :)
Finlally, got to enter JB with mum and bro and Cu. And yes, I got those dvds. One of these days, I got to list down what I need to buy.
Day 17
So it was dvd day. Watched 3 of the movies I bought. And 2 Korean dramas. Now, I am seriously thinking of getting either a laptop or pc. But the financial commitment I have at this moment, is stopping me from even considering it.
A year ago, at this very time, mum was hospitalised. But thank god, she's doing much better now. And today, Razdi's turning 30. 'Happy birthday, buddy!!'
That reminds me, I'll be turning 30 in 2 years' time too.. And I don't even have a boyfriend.
At the end of the day, I don't if I can depend on Aaron for this one. But I do hope, that I can meet my other half soon.
Day 18
I seriously, really need to do something about work. I need to leaern to prioritize. I feel like a failure when I can't control the kids. Moreover, I feel like worse failure when my staff are not able to execute things as how I want it to be. I wish I can be a leader as good as Mas. I pray for that.
Day 19
First time chairing a meeting. I hope and pray for all the plans we have, things will fall into place eventually. And no unneccessary worries for me. Yeah!!
Aaron dropped me a message asking me whether I am doing all right. How I do I answer him?
"At times, I just feel like, taking you with me, and run away from reality. Just so that you can fulfil what you 'promised' me. Was it even a promise in the first place. Never mind that.
At times, when I feel like breakind down, I want to cry. But there isn't someone to wipe away my tear. Sometimes, I wish you were here to wipe it for me, I know I can jolly well wipe it all by myself. But I realised, it's been too long. In fact, never had for a long time.
At times, when all goes wrong, I just feel like picking up the phone, scroll to your name and press the dial, to hear your voice and tell me all will be okay. But I just don't have the guts to do so. 'Cos at the same time, I don't know if I will just be pestering you and I don't wanna know that you don't need me..
So, my gut feelings tell me.. I am generally not okay, until I am with you. "
Obviously, I chose not to reply. I longed for him than ever now.
Aaron.
Day 22
Finally, the week is almost over. I guess for some reasons I am blessed not to have them as my staff. I wonder how Lily does it with patience. I am sure Godknows the level of treshold each of us has. Thus, He has assigned me to my beloved staff. ;)
Day 27
Why ask if you don't intend to meet? Despite knowing all these, why do I still get excited every time you messaged?
Day 29
Mum's 57th birthday. But I still have yet to but her a present for more than 2 years. But I still wish for her all the same. And of course.. I still love her as much..
Day 31
2010 is 1/12 gone. What will be the next 1/12 be? What does it have in store for me. And what have I done to be where I want to be? And I just realise that the entries for the first week is gone. I saved it in my pc. And it seems like my pc need a reboot again. Kind of expected though.
It's been 5 years..
Tomorrow is a new day.. New month..
