I maybe a few minutes late... But as per my annual practice, I will wrap up the events for the past year.
After 2012, I guess, all I wanted was just to right the wrongs that I tried too hard and too fast, that caused me to go crumble in a speed that I couldn't even catch up with myself. With 2013 barely started, things were going downhill for me in a lot of things. So many things happened so quickly and bad, that at some points, I just want to give up and die. I didn't know where, who to run to. I was so lost, that I couldn't find myself any more. I questioned myself a lot of times, if what I was doing was the best. But for who?
There were days in 2013, when I looked back how things were in 2012, I couldn't recognise who I was. In a bid of trying to get over a heartbreak. 2013, the dating scene took a break. I wasn't interested any more. They said, you just have to take a leap of faith. I did but I ended up being hurt. It hurt so bad that I don't think I am ready to go back to the scene again. Not for now still. I guess, that what God has planned for me knowing that I'd be struggling with work, He protected me from being hurt. :)
This year, I was tested in the career department. It was really a roller coaster ride. And it ended on a bad note, with the recent incident. I cannot take back my words no matter how much I regret them. Though I tried to justified my actions, it was never right. I can only seek forgiveness. Trust was really an issue. That I wasn't sure who I can trust any more. And it wasn't anyone's fault but mine. For putting the trust and faith easily. And gossips, they are never healthy to start with. And of course it spiralled out of hand. Out of my control. And knowing too much just hurt me most in the end. And I guess what they said was true, only through tough times, you discover people behind those masks.
Friendships have always been dear to me. Unfortunately, I have to 'bid goodbye' to some friends that I just call them acquaintance now. And I am very careful now in knowing who my real friends really are. The ones that stood by me, true to me. And these friends know that I offer my utmost sincerity in my friendship to them.
That darkest episode where the matters of the heart, friendship and work problem just happened in within days of each other.
I was in pain. I felt like dying. For a brief moment, I felt like a character in a novel of some sappy chapter. And all I wanted was to turn the page over so that the sufferings would end. However, it didn't quite come true. Not yet. Well, this is REAL life.
I had to face the problems.
I had to face the consequence.
I had to face the people.
I had to face it all.
And I survived.
Mum's health contributed a whole lot of downs. However, I don't want to recall or go back to where it was again. Alhamdulillah, she is in a much better condition. And I pray she stays that way and better.
Finally, I will be moving out of Woodlands. The place that I call home for 9 years. With that came the issue of moving out with Mum. Suddenly, all these things about settling down and getting my own flat, became a new big concern. The price of houses in Singapore are just outrageous. Just how do I support myself and Mum to put the roofs over our heads? In time to come, I will deal with it. For now, I am just going with the flow.
Overall, 2013 had taught me to accept changes. Good or bad. The experience in 2013 taught me to be more resilient in handling matters at work. To listen more. To give more.
And most importantly, to have more faith in what God has already planned for me.
Because only He knows what is best for me.
