2011 - Gone

So there it went. 

Time passes us by. Never to return. Only memories shall stay. And the good ones, that is.

2011 was really fast.

Some of the key things that I will remember this year by would be, human relationships. Complicated ones. Trust and faith. 1 thing I learnt, though I knew about it all along, is never to trust anyone whole-hearted, even how great your relationship is.

To the extent of pretence.

I can't help feeling like in secondary school again and feel all the negatives when people don't take me seriously. And I thought we are all adults.

Then again, I have so many people that I want to thank for making me realise that we are all unique and different in our own ways.

Mum finally went for the heart bypass surgery. Alhamdulillah, she survived. God knows how I was trying so hard to be strong for her but at the same time pretending to be when inside me I was greeted with fears of losing her. Things went smoothly and she recovered well. And thank God, she is much better now.

The next quarter began with embracing challenges at work. The responsibilities that I didn't anticipate. And there's a very fine line between colleagues and friends. Still learning..

And it has been freaking 6 years. And I thought I have moved on.

But I guess I did. Met the sweet talker.. and another one.. and another one but didn't quite make it.. :P

Falling in love for me was never difficult until I sense complications.

And to be pinning hopes on someone's shadows that eventually was gone when the obvious disappeared. Guess it's my luck, at the moment, to be meeting men who aren't men enough for me.

2012 will be better for all.

So many things to look forward to..

Looking forward to paying more attention to myself. In terms of health, wealth and everything else.

Signing off with Adele's Set Fire To The Rain

2012, be nice.. =D

God Knows ..

Saw an update in the ex's account.
I was the one to call it quits.
I was the one who decided that I had enough. 
I was the one who had lost faith in the relationship.
I was the one who wanted to move on.
But, then.. why does is still hurt? Maybe not too much now compared to 2 years ago.. It's just that a wee bit of negative feeling. The other day, it was their 3rd anni. And me? Am just still stuck here. 
Many a times, I know I told myself that I have moved on.. just can't understand why am still here.

Moments ago, the wife subtly announced their upcoming 2nd child's arrival. In abt 6 mths time. 

2 yrs ago when he met my friend, he asked if I was married already. 

I was hurt.. too hurt.. still am.. that I don't know if I will ever find love. 

Somehow, deep in within me.. I know that I will find my true love. Only time will tell. 

God knows.

That I Would Be Good

People from the past, can at times remind you of your painful history, or your many glorious victories.

People from the present sometimes remind you of your past dreams, hopes and nightmares.

People from the future make you guess of what to receive and face.

Moving on takes more than just eliminating the physical.

Moving on from dad's passing. Moving on from the unrealised childhood ambition. Moving on from failed relationships. Moving on from past bitter friendships. Moving on from lost trust and faith. Moving on from picture perfect family. Moving on from unfulfilled promises.

Countless episodes of keeping the two feet up on the ground. Only to fall again.
Countless episodes of putting the brave front. Only to crumble inside.
Countless episodes of laughing the heart out. Only to breakdown, longing to hear.

Sometimes, I need you to know more than what I am.

It's all about choices, baby.

What you choose to hear.

What you choose to see.

What you choose to believe.

That I Would Be Good is on repeat mode tonight.

It just felt right.