Ma Friend - Listen to ma prayers

So much betrayal and hideous words

I can't believe I am living in pretences again

I wish I could jas pack up n leave

Jas as I always would

Bt I've got a lot to lose this time

I got up to find wat I thot I'd never wish for

I thot I'd jas quickly fall, crushed and get back up again

Wat does it need to crush me?

I dun want it to be real..

It hurts so much that I see u in ma dreams

Trust me, u dun even want to noe

Bcos U wldnt even believe

N u wld hate me for lying

Pray that I jas get out of this fast enuf

I can't bear all these guilts

Loving aint fun anymore

Was it suppose to be?

Instead..

I shall be loved

=D

Mar 25, '07 12:41 AM

OPS

I mentioned abt e updating abt e OPS in e previous blog..bt I realised it was jas so wonderful that..I am taking days to describe e event..

Bt one thing for sure, I finally understood wat Linda's been saying abt living a dream..E part where she shared when everyday she wld be at e train platform n tell herself that she's still in Europe...Well, its not exactly e Europe I am keen..its jas abt dat feeling...

I thot I dun really wanted them all..bt now..it seemed like..those R e things that I longed for..E comfort u can never find anywhere else bt home.

When we entered e building, Razdi was at frontdesk doing e checking in while Joy was going ard e lobby..n said how cool it was n stuff..and me..I was keeping ma cool....Trying to kp ma cool...bt wen I saw e swimming pool..I just wish I cld jas jump in!! Hahaha...bt of cos not..must maintain mah...Hehe..

When we entered the apartment on 17th floor, I was so mesmerized by e mirror at e dining area..The hse that ma family was supposed to move in was jas like dat..bt e owner sumhow refused to sell..(n we managed to get a flat a level above them..bt I dun understand y they put it up for sale wen they're still staying here now)

The first thing I checked out was e kitchen..WOW!! I liked it so much that I was in e kitchen for 10 mins I think..E colour of cabinet top..it was dark-coloured (i can't recall e exact colour at this very minute) marble or granite i think..Even e lights was nice in e kitchen..Hehe..N dat oven n stove..was exactly how I pictured it to be years ago..Tho it was kinda cramped..bt I still loved it anyway!!

Next stop, one of e criterias for our getaway, was e bathtub!! Weird?? I dun think so..I jas missed soaking maself in e tub till I shrink!! Wish I cld do dat tho..LOL..E toilet was really pretty!! bt of cos..Razdi got that room..e master bedroom..so jeles..=P. I tell u..e tiles was so..beautiful..

Who cares its just a toilet?? I CARE!! E black tiles made it so..Hitam - Keunggulan - Bergaya .... The other toilet was jas as nice as well, bt wifout e bathtub of cos. This one was pretty, white n neat..I still prefer e previous more tho..Hehe..

I went to our room to check out e window view from there..we cld pretty much see e roads tho..n not to mention e clear blue sky..N we all were soooooo excited that u cld jas hear us exclaiming our excitement..The living rm was cosy of cos...wif e sofa that jas wanna pull u in never let go..I jas love e ambience..Kalau lah rumah aku cam tu..aku nk duduk rumah je at nyt n watch dvd all nyt long..Wic was wat we were doing most times when we were in..we watched close to 10 movies during our stay there..

I had one of e rooms all to maself e next 2 nights..I never really like cold rooms bcos I cant stand e chill most times..Bt for those nights..I looked forward to be covered wif fluffy pillows, and e thick blanket n comforter..I even got e temp to be reduced to 18 deg!! N e queen sized bed all to maself..

When I finally came back home..I was jas hoping to see e same view I had for e past few days..Oh well..of cos I was disappointed..Wif ma cramped bedroom..N to make things worse..Ma fan isn't working..When I entered ma toilet..Urgh..I jas felt frustrated wif e plumbing n sorts..n e toiletries all over..N e kitchen wif so many unwanted stuffs..The living room littered wif ma nieces toys n all other things..

Sigh..

I want that view from e window in OPS!! I want that bathtub in OPS!! I want that sofa in OPS!! I want that lights under e cabinets in OPS!! I jas want to live in a place like OPS!!

I wanted it so bad..that I couldn't stop talking abt it..visualising it..Then, I realised..I did want all these all along..

So much of I jas wanna live as minimal as possible..

So much of I dun have a dream..

That's when I realised..I have to live up ma dreams for maself..BY maself..I dun n can't depend on others on how I wanna live ma life..

How I shall look..talk..be..Its in within me..N I shall not be afraid of criticisms of wat I do..Bcos that IS ME..

I DECIDE!!

So be it wif previous bad encounters..

I DARE TO DREAM..n work to achieve wat I DREAM..

DO YOU??

N that is y..I am so 'obsessed' wif OPS..It gives me goose bumps jas talking abt it....REALLY!!

Bt like wat e The Secrets taught..I gotta be grateful first for what I have now..E hse I live in..E toilet that provides me wif very limited space for ma daily routines..E cramped room all to maself..E cheap clothes that got me covered all day long..

N most importantly..e love that I get from ma family n friends that give me warmth..even when I dun even have a cent..

All these 'found ma dreams back' kinda things wldn't be possible if not for e positive ppl ard me..They prolly have been all ard me all these while..It's me who refused to see the best in it..

I still miss e bathtub..pillows n bed.

ps: Dun mind e long entry..=P

Mar 6, '07 11:19 PM

The Beginning of something new

Gd morning all...

It sure is an ez morning for me to wake up..Basically bcos am coming in a lil bit later than usual for work today.....

Ma voice has been more sengau than it's already is since CNY..OMG I missed e OPS so much..Ooopps...I haven't upload e pics yet huh? Will do soon..malas lah nak tunggu upload bnyk²..Hehe

I dun pretty much have anything..cuma nk menyibuk² menambah²kan blog yg sedia ada...

How have u all been? Have a great weekend yah!!

Mar 3, '07 8:44 AM

Extraordinary February

Looking back..last Feb was kinda hell..I stayed home most times bcos I was down wif chicken pox.

This Feb was superb!!

I was given a 'glimpse'...Khekhekhke..of The Secrets...Hell, it was so awesome, that I had it wif me 24/7. Edifying it..sharing it wif almost everyone that I noe..n I sumwhat pity those who still dun quite see wat I'm trying to say..well I guess..u gotta experience it first hand..Till u believe it.

An Incident: I was jas wondering abt someone that I've not met for quite sumtime...n applying The Secret..I then saw him on e bus!! Haha..it worked for me..well, it has been working for me..is just dat I didn't notice it. U guys shld find out how!! ASK ME!! :P

Then I went to WLS. It dusnt matter if sum of u dunnoe wat it means..Its meant for e chosen ONES anyways..Khekhkekhe..Believe it or not..This one was more rewarding than e previous one..Bt just like Diamond Direct Fathiah said, its seemed like e best than e previous ones..Hehe..

Bt really, it was awesome. I still couldn't find ma dream or purpose then. If its not for Nisa n Rahman, I won't be going anyway. Initially, it was more like returning a favour..bt it turned out to be more than that. E previous WLS, I gotta admit..I was just going for e sake of going..This time round..Its not just abt being inspired...I was there to get ma horizon broadened like wat I shld b going for.. etc..

Was I disappointing others? Uhm..they'd prolly denying that fact..bt they cld actually mean wat they say? Do they? Am not in their mind..I shldnt bother huh? Bcos I noe wat I wanted..

Well, not exactly..I was still clueless of wat I wanted..Actually, I do noe wat I want..bt didn't noe hw to get it..Till....

E OPS!! Yes, its e same OPS that I mentioned in e previous blog...

I won't bother explaining how I got to this OPS tho many thanks to Joy n Razdi...bt it was so haiz...No words to describe lah...N I realised dat I am a visual person..

I think its getting pretty late..I'd continue abt e OPS...phew..

So gd nyt ppl..I shall head to dreamland now wif ma OPS...

Wif dis, I end wif.. nvm...am jas in e mood of.."Doa Buat Kekasih" by Ramli & Khatijah..Ni sema Razdi peh pasal...khekhekhe...

Mar 5, '07 1:16 AM