Sambal Belacan Mak

It was in October 2019.

It was just the two of us in the kitchen. The last portion of sambal belacan was long gone a couple of weeks back. That morning, I asked the helper to ensure there was enough ingredients so I could make a new batch that morning. 

Mak always said, "Senang je nak buat.. yang malas nak tumbuk tu."

Wah... lagi dua bulan je nak Mak ni gi umrah. 

Mak happy tak? 

Happylah! Kan Mak cakap, makan angin pegi sana sini Mak tak heran.. Mak nak gi Umrah je. Insya Allah Mak sihatlah.. panjang umur.. mana tau ni last Mak dapat pegi.

Apalah Mak ni... insya Allah tahun depan.. ada rezeki, Hah ikot sama eh? Tapi tu lah.. ni Hah tak kerja.. Mak doakan ada rezeki lah eh? 

Little did I know, that was the last time that I pounded the belacan whilst having that mother daughter bonding time. 

Mak, harini Hah tumbuk sambal belacan, tapi barang²nya macam ingat² lupa lah, Mak. Dah setahun, baru nak buat lagi ni. Nasib baik sedap.. tapi tetap tak sama mcm Mak punya lah.. Hehe. Ladanya pun, kasar² Hah tumbuk. :P

Bahan²nya

Lada merah

Lada padi

Limau nipis

Belacan dibakar

Gula secukup rasa

Last with Ayah... First without Mak

Ramadhan/1992

It was quite a solemn one. 

In 1991, I became a fan of Aishah. So when her next album came out, Ayah bought me the cassette tape. And this was one of her songs. During that period, Ayah was staying home a lot too. So he would join me listening to the songs. 

I knew this song was a sad one. But what would a 9 year old really understand? Then, I did feel guilty for listening to this song, cos I was afraid it would come true. 

After he left in June 1992, this song never failed to make me cry buckets. However, the part she sang she was thankful after the departure, I never could understand. 

Until Mak passed on. 

And listening to this song now,  during Ramadhan, came back all the flashbacks of that Ramadhan in 1992 and the following years. Reminscing the Ramadhans with and without Ayah. It was difficult for Mak especially. And how we all tried to keep it together as a family. And Mak and I always talked about it. At times we cried a lil.. at times we laughed a lil. But most times, Mak would be like.. "Ayah dah senang kat sana."

Listening to this cos Spotify recommended in the playlist, caught me by surprise. I looked up at the lyrics again and tried to understand it again. Though it was meant for Ayah, I felt it more real for Mak. 

Then again, Ayah or Mak... it is just the same. 

I hope and pray that they have now finally met. And especially in this month of Ramadhan, they have been reunited. :) 

Sakit rindu yang tak tertanggung. 

"Mak dengan Ayah dah senang sama-sama." 

Ayah

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