Easy Target

Sometimes I wonder, if I have an invisible mark on my forehead that people can just easily pick on me. Be the butt of the joke.. Like as if I enjoy being a laughing matter.

I am a freaking 30 year old adult and still have to deal with low self esteem just because some ppl just like to shoot words out of their mouth and worse still.. for me to be affected.

In a way or another, I would blame myself for being too sensitive, petty and emotional.

I do wonder though, if my dad was still alive, would this people do the same? Is it because I am single? Is it because my 2 elder brothers aren't protective enough?

From childhood to adolescent years.

And I thought, it stopped there.

Until now, it is still happening.

I very well understand that I can't depend on others to stand up on my own. Even after numerous attempts of being firm on how I prefer to be treated, why do I still get this unwanted attention. At times, I can just walk away laughing. But God knows, how much it hurts inside. And things get ugly when I tried to put my msg across..

But what is it actually?

When will these end?

Stop it already, please.

Resah - Restless

It's funny how simple words when beautifully crafted, put together with a unique melody can actually give one so much hope. 

So much hope and faith that one can hold on so dearly to.

And for one to be naive enough to believe in it.

And funnier how, out of nowhere appears in one's dream.

It could probably been years since I heard it. Waking up to that melody and recalling the words that appeared in the dream was enough for me to hold on to. Was an affirmation that what I felt was true. No one else. No one.

I am. Very restless. The whole wide world can see that I am over it. I am moving on.

Truth is.. I don't know how to start or where to start. I tried means and ways already. But somehow, it still gives me faith.

That there is a future us.

Only time will tell.
I only pray that this restlessness is not for long either. But ony God knows. He knows best. 

Resah 
Di dalam gersang hatiku
Ku merenung dirimu
Hati tersentuh rindu yang dalam tak menentu
Dengarkan kasihku
Getar di jantung ku
Inikah erti, inikah erti resah hatiku

Diriku kan datang kasih
Di hari indah nanti
Kan ku persembahkan bunga di tanganmu
Hatiku berpesan dan merenung kini
Inikah erti, inikah erti rinduku padamu

Aku turut
Aku turut bersamamu
Aku jua
Aku jua ingin bersamamu
Aku ingin
Aku ingin bersamamu nanti jua nanti

Bagaikan hari-hari dulu lagi
In the arid heart
I ponder you
Hearts touched a deep longing uncertain
Hear my love
Vibrating in my heart
Is erties, is this erties restless heart

I'll come to love myself
In the beautiful day later
I dedicate the flower in your hand
My heart told and thoughtfully now
Is erties, is this my erties miss you

I helped
I share with you
I nevertheless
I nevertheless want to be with
I want
I want to be with you no matter later

Days like it used to be
Funny translation!! Hahaha!!
Made my day..

Nights..

02 Nov
GMT 0304

Stop it already.

I did all I could to deviate my thoughts from you.

I deleted your number.

I deleted the messages.

I deleted the blog.

But why do you still keep appearing in my dreams?

I tried to rationalise everything else. Without the dream, I wouldn't have seen you like that.

Why? Bloody why?

I don't want to think of you already. I want to move on already. I want to let go already. I want it to be over already.

But why are you still the one that I think of the moment I open my eyes?

Why does it seem like no one ever can take your place?

Frankly, if you hadn't reacted hot and cold towards me, I would have pretended all is fine.

That we are just friends with no emotional attachments or whatever not.

I am tired already.

Tired.

Oh.. the count has just hit 19. Lol!!

Good night.

1st Nov

GMT 0223