Wonder

Do u wonder if we could go back to a certain time in our life, to alter just a lil bit... n be sure dat we do e right thing?

Told u I'll come back for u

Why couldn't u wait?

Wat? Telling me ma tym was due?

u had to go cos u felt dat ache?

I shall erase all e info in ur head..

N get to persuade u to bed

Nex morn u won't remember a thing

Cos all for u its just a song meant to sing

Wat I still couldn't figure out..

U actually heard me out loud

But u choose to be numb..

More like trying to play dumb??

i guess so..

Who am I kidding ho?

Should listen to e words

Dat just strummed thru ur vocal cords

Cos it went to ma ear drums..

n I thinked it got blocked

Let's try it dis way...

Listen to e words..

Dats coming out from MY mouth!!

N make sure.. ur wax cleared

N it goes straight to ur head..

U dun have to grow beard to read

U dun have to be weird to lead

All of a sudden.. I've lost ma arms to u

N have to get those dummies n get maself glued

U can't never understand wat I'm writing..

So y did u even bother to start reading??

Wednesday, March 30, 2005 at 01:09 AM in In Within Me

The End

To understand u, I loved u

To know u, I loved u

To be with u, I loved u

To be hurt by u, I loved u too...

But to hate u now, i can't

To leave u now, i'm done

To kill u, i wish

To forget u, I will

Cos time now seem so still

Can't accept dis is for real

To believe words for words

The kinda pain left me irked

Aint trying to find u

But e love left me in blue

U accused me for finding the wrong way

Just bcos u find urs n u got light of the day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who's happier now eh?

SO much of

"I PROMISE"!!!

She's happy isn't it?

Knowing me in such a sorry state

So wat if I tried to put up with fakes?

Trying to show u dat I'm moving on?!

But its just maself dat I keep kidding??

Yes I'm happy we're not together..

But... wat i can't get over is WHY??

What the FUCK did I do to you??

Wat did I NOT gave U??!!

U were supposed to be different!!

U were suppose to be the one who doesn't care!!

U were suppose to be the one!!

And GOD..

Now.. bcos of u..

I'm hurting another heart of two

I don't dare to love anymore

That Long.....

It took me to realise..

For me to realise.. I'm just a rebound

For me to realise.. I'm just taken as a bitch

For me to realise.. I was alone

"U were just like pieces of puzzle to me"

"U seem to fit in nicely"

"The song dat I wrote, wasn't meant for u"

"I lied to u wen I said 'I love u'

And how long does it take for u to tell me the truth??

I was THERE for goodness sake to accept all of ur flaws & mistakes!!

I swallowed ma pride & kept fighting for you...

And wat does it end up to??

I gave u wat i never wanted to give

I HAD to live with I didn't want to

Lemme ask u a question.

DO I DESERVE ALL THESE??!!

U cld still ask me to sleep wif u wen u were going to sleep with her dat night!!

U cld still held ma hand wif ur left, wen she was still holding on to u on the right....

Does she know dat??

Dat bitch who get pissed off wen i called u at night??

Who stands up for u n not noe she can just fall right??

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 at 02:23 AM in In Within Me

Tired

I'm not even twenty-three

But y do i feel like it has been centuries?

Is just difficult for me to breath?

Am I just too tired to live?

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 at 01:44 AM in In Within Me

Whine - Grateful

I'll be grateful one day to knw dat u love me. 

To show the wonderful things wats love supposed to be. 

N to go thru e worst of wat i can be. 

N to know dat I can always be me. 

But so much of talk.. will make u do ur walk..

Yes.. one day I'll be grateful.. But @ e meantime.. I shall stay ungrateful

Saturday, March 26, 2005 at 05:37 AM in Just Being Sober

Frustations - Part 8

So much I can try to make u understand me.

But y shld i do wen u never really be.

The one to make me happy.

When it's all just up to me.

Dun think I wanna know what you're trying to say to me,

I dun think I need to show cause it all falls on deaf ear-lys

Saturday, March 26, 2005 at 05:33 AM in Just Being Sober

Frustrations - Part 7

To understand u, I loved u

To know u, I loved u

To be with u, I loved u

To be hurt by u, I loved u too...

Thursday, March 24, 2005 at 03:00 AM in Just Being Sober

Truth

Hmmm.. u claimed it weren't for me.. n u said never be..

But how come u knew so much?

how come it seems like it was for each other?

Wat? telling me now we're telepathics?

Hmm.. aww.. n ur complaining dat ur being abused..

n ur stupid jerk believe its true..

Shaking ma head now..

thinking how twisted can ur words be..

believing it so much..

e sight of u makes me wanna strangle u..

n hurling abusive words @ u..

bt i'm just wasting ma energy..

for sum1 who's still childish..

n if u said u never read mine..

how come u knew abt me writing some names..

wic belongs to.. u??

Denials, denials, denials..

ppl lyk u can nvr stop lying..

Dis game of calling names..

dis games of.. wateva it is..

sumhow gives me e strength..

Ooh.. shld I thank u anyway?

Guess i've thnked u b4.. but u never did appreciate it..

oh btw.. u shld thnk me too..

cos u didn't found each other..

I DID for him.. n even encouraged him too..

well.. wen u get sumthing better..

of cos u leave behind of wat's no use to u..

Lemme thank u again.. for making him make his exit outta ma life..

cos I didn't know how to get rid of him anyway..

was much like a slave then a lover then..

ur presence showed e other side of him dat proved himself wrong all this while,

giving me all e promises.

even wen i had ma doubts..

whether should i stay or move on..

he held ma hand n wanted me to believe in him..

i'm praying dat u won't have to go thru wat I did..

Believe me.. i really dun wan u to c dat side of him

Cos its quite a pity

With dat innocent look on his face

U can never know how much damage he can do to u

He's done it twice

Pray dat he stop at dat..

Watever bitterness I had.. was for him... never u..

Till u came up wif dat kinda tots..

I dunno whether to feel sorry now..

Good for u standing up for him..

Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:42 AM in In Within Me

Someone Special

To look back at what's happened

All I can say is THANK YOU

U showed thousand and one ways

To get over this feeling of blue

We didn't talk it out

Guess actions indeed spoke louder

No matter wat, I know

There'll never be a day for US to be

But forever.. u shall stay to be dat special someone

Someone who opened up ma eyes

When I was just refusing to accept the truth

The one who brought ma senses

When all I did was just believing in u

It wasn't love I felt for u

More like the cosiness I feel wen ur around me

E security, feeling a friend will be there

E kinda a feeling dat a friend will share

I can never fit the person U want to be with

and I won't even try to believe

Or acknowledge dat I'm even trying to be

For you.. cos u dun want me to

To be with u all e time

It's sad though.. n it hurts sometimes..

To know dat ma presence is not pleasing

At times, I do wonder y..

Y should I still be talking to u

Y do I need to get away from u

When u never need me at all

In fact trying to avoid me in all

I do feel used at times

But dun want to c thru it.. cos I owe u dat much

Owe u for letting me discover maself

Owe u for showing me e truth abt 'em

U.. u can never guess who u r

U can never guess what's going on

Cos u never know I exist..

Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:20 AM in So Sad

Runaway

I can't possibly start anew

When e crimes i've commit not just a few

I can't possibly start dat fresh

When all dis eating me alife wif ma flesh

I can't keep running i know

But do i really need to stoop dis low?

I just want to start walking..

At least teach me to start crawling

If I was suppose to lie

Do u think u'll make it pass by?

Or would u just want me to be analysed

And make me wonder i'm being paralysed

So wat if i showed i cared?

When its a 'happy' life u led

Wanna go back but I'm too late

Wanna come forward but ma lyf is at stake

As much as I thought dat I've run a thousand miles

But just only to realise I've piled up tiles

A piece of wall surrounding ma life

Isolating maself from everyone else

True, I had ran, run, running all e time

But.. wat I was running from? E life of mine

I forgot..

from wat I'm running from in e first place?

I can't answer dat anymore

Too much i guess... too much.. too bore

Sunday, March 20, 2005 at 12:16 AM in In Within Me

Missing You

I love u so much dat I keep falling deep

I miss u so much dat I cry in ma sleep

Was left alone and all I could do was ...?

Now, so much I have grown

But there's nuthing left for me to own

With your absence I'm suppose to realise

I shouldn't be falling and but pick up maself to rise

I dunno wat really took me so long

And things got worse and getting so wrong

U can never help me anymore can u?

Cos u never did.. Did u?

Saturday, March 19, 2005 at 12:36 AM in In Within Me

Lady

To feel like a woman

Is the most wonderful things

But at e same time

U get too much of everything

And U ask y is it there in e first place

I can't figure out as much as I want to

I dun want to feel hurt!

Do u get me?

Stop treating me like a lady!

I dun mind u calling me a bitch

I dun mind u calling me a slut

But to call me a lady

And not treating me right?

Wat for?!!

Sometimes.. I never understand why did I start

Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 01:16 AM in In Within Me

.....

So much I can try to make u understand me

But y shld i do wen u never really be

The one to make me happy

When it's all just up to me

Full of hatred i wish to get rid

But is it e call of ma bid

I still can't figure out now wat's ma life about

What else trying to even bother finding out

Can't be the person u think I am b4

Cos its deep down in core

To figure out wats in store

When u can jas try to live in bore

Haha.. I'm not dat pessimist as u think i am

Neither i am an optimist to have so much to cramp

Somehow, I still wanna love as much as you do

But on 2nd thoughts i dun think i want to

Lets go out & check out the light..

ahak!!! got choked... but i'm still aight..

"I dun think I wanna know

what you're trying to say to me,

I dun think I need to show

cause it all falls on deaf ear-lys"

Monday, March 14, 2005 at 06:32 AM in In Within Me

Again & Again

Too much too say in such a short time

Dunno if u ever see wat's the crime

U took advantage wat there was in sight

And refused to believe dat I was always right

Right, dat u'll leave me someday

Right, dat u'll start walking away

Right, dat u never wanted me

Right, dat u never had loved me

Even if U did, cause u were lazy

U enjoy so much being pleasured

U like when I do it cos was pressured

Damn.. too much wasn't a leisure

To tell u the truth it was more like a torture

Never told u cos didn't want u 2b hurt

To think dat it was me in e end dat got burnt

Dead again, again, again & again...

Saturday, March 12, 2005 at 01:13 AM in In Within Me

Whine - It dies.. n so did it

If thgs cld be better 4 us,

Would u care dat i cry?

If luv wasnt meant 4 us,

Would u try 2 lie?

Made me wonder y u try 2b nice wen i was abt 2 rise.

U tried 2b gd wen i knew i was e fool.

Cant u jas b e person u were.

Can u nt let me feel e fear?

I dun wan2 c u go.

At least dats wat u knw.

I try 2 luv wat i had.

Dat's bad

Monday, March 07, 2005 at 11:39 PM in Just Being Sober

Frustrations - Part 6

Who's filthy nw?

Turn ard n lk 4 more sumhw.

U know wat?

I shld 10q.

Wout u mud, i cn nvr hate u.

If i dun hate u.

I dun hve anger 4 u.

Bt y shld i waste ma tym?

Knwg dat u jas wanna be at e lyt of e lym.

Monday, March 07, 2005 at 02:45 PM in Just Being Sober

Frustrations - Part 5

i luv 2 mt ppl hu messd ma lyf up.

Cos i cant wait 4 e tables 2 turn down up.

2 b aware they make ma lyf evn harder.

2 b in cntrl of ma speech, louder.

In tyms 2 cum, waitg 4 u 2 jump.

Thkg u knew so much. 2 knw wats left is nonsense n such.

I shw u ard if u hve e tym.

N wat i guarantee, u dun hve 2 b in lyn.

Suicide.

Saturday, March 05, 2005 at 01:02 AM in Just Being Sober

Whine - Phsyce

In search of u, i found maself.

need nt lk further, nwhre else.

I'll gt u 2 cum, wen ur in her arms.

Aint sure wats left.

Ah shit! Cld i hve noticd maself?

N spare all dis hell.

Damn, its seems so weird.

Blamg othrs 4 wat u r.

Labelg 4 wat u've bn.

Bragg 4 wat u hve.

N mourng 4 wat u lack.

Ur e coward.

Nt me!

Psyche

Saturday, March 05, 2005 at 12:52 AM in Just Being Sober

Frustations - Part 4

Sigh..

Nvr felt better.

Luff at me n i'll luff harder.

Nt at maself bt u who's lovg harder.

As a female i've said n seen.

As a lady i've grown up frm whre u've been.

What the crap u've bEEn saying,

Shld lk bk n c wat're ur missing.

Bt who cares right?

I'm thnkful dat I saw the light.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 at 01:22 AM in Just Being Sober

Frustrations - Part 3

U r tellg me wat i alredy knew.

Was jas holdg on knwg ma tym was due.

Wat u said is all true.

Esp e part u admitted abt u.

Luff at me as much as u wan.

Hopg ur luv wil nvr run.

Told me 2 cry til i bleed?

U purposely wrote cos u knew dat i read?

I'm done cryg u bitch.

Nuthgs left nt evn a stitch.

At least I had the courage.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 at 01:11 AM in Just Being Sober