I had a habit of calling home when I am outside.
Even when back then in secondary school days.
I will stop by the phone booth. I would tell Mak I am coming home.. or asked her what was she cooking, what was she doing etc. At times, I would share snippets of what happened in school.. and would continue when I reached home.
I tend to tell Mak a lot of things.
Working days likewise, I'd call her and asked the same things and shared the same stuff. These times, I would ask her what she had for her meal.. "Dah inject belum?" - after she had to do the insulin injections etc.
During lunch breaks.. heading home.. Even after I got married.
Sometimes, if she was in the midst of doing her chores, she would tell me.. "Alah... tak payah lah nak teipon². Nanti balik boleh bilang. Dah² .. mak nak (continue whatever she was doing)."
After her passing, and when I started working again... there were moments, when heading back home, I would feel so loss... cos I can't call home anymore. I can't hear her answer the phone anymore. I can't tell her things anymore. I can't tell her how my days were anymore. can't tell her how upset I am that I want to quit my job. I can't tell her I saw my crush. I can't tell her how angry I was at this colleague of mine. I can't tell her I did great atnwork anymore.
Most importantly, I can't hear her telling me anymore "Dah..takpe.. Mak doakan .."
For a couple of months after that, I turned to my aunts instead. Both paternal and maternal aunts.
Just so that, I can speak to a mother.
"...Mana harus kuhamparkan?
Rindu tiada kesudahan
Sesal biar separuh nyawa
Takkan hilang..."
Sesal Separuh Nyawa was one of her favourites.. and she would always say, "Ni untuk Ayah lah..".
