Pangs of Pain

Outspoken but introvert.

Loud but sensitive.

I don't cry as much as I should.

But when I do, I don't care where am I. In public. While working. In the shower.

I am petty and emotional over petty things because I suppress my emotions when it comes to the real things.

I am afraid to fall again as I am tired of falling without being caught.

I need to remind myself time and again, to each his own. The opinions, the joys, the problems, the sad that others are experiencing are not mine to begin with.

Problems are there to be solved, right? Only if it is mine.

When it doesn't hurt anymore, I am not too sure myself because it is over or I have turned numb.

I cared and tried so hard to impress that I neglect me.

The drugs just don't work anymore.

How ironic that I am afraid to love but still want to experience it anyway.

How others handle their problems, that is how I raise the bar each time when I know their problems are bigger than mine. But I truly forget, that I am just me.

I want to let go of these expectations.

I am not perfect. I am not a perfectionist. I have to stop thinking I am.

I screw up.

Big time.

Life. Family. Work. Wealth. Health. Love. Friends.

But I know I have my family and friends who love me just the way I am. So why don't I see myself how they see me as?

Trust. What is there to live for when there is none left?

GMT 0345