"Now, ma plan is to make new mistakes so I could learn more new things." - 25 Dec 2005
That was how I left off wif 2005. So now, its time to say goodbye to 2006.
One word to describe this year's journey : Accomplished
I wouldn't say I had achieved all ma goals, but at least dat's how I shall described what I so-called want in life. I overcame a few obstacles wic I thot I was destined to face all ma life. I've really learn to live life a day at a time.
Somewhere in Feb, I was down wif chicken pox for e first time in ma life. Hell! It wasn't fun. Altho e good part was, I was away from work for almost a month. E later half of e medical leave was fun but for e first ten days or so..I really felt like dying!! Unbearable!! And I have scars to remind me of this period when ma mum was the one who took care of me. She'd help me wif ma shower, applying e med for me, fed me. Hehe..I really felt like a small gal. That guilt of being rude to her..not appreciating her..frequented me alot. Only God knows how bad I feel those times. And I could feel the bonding again wif ma mum. The bond that I lost when I was too busy loving sumone else.
The year started wif completing ma dip, working, still whining y was life always difficult for me. I isolated maself from frens. I just wanted to be alone. I didn't entertain calls. I won't reply to smses. And am always running away from frens. I refused to meet up. Unless if it was clubbing. Other than that..I just wanna be alone.. Then, ma companions were family, internet, studies and work.
Furthermore, I was trying to accept e fact that ma bro was going thru e final stages of his divorce. I felt so affected. I felt so helpless bcos I couldn't do anything to save his marriage.With him n e kids moving in, ma lifestyle kinda get altered a lil bit. I felt I was given a new responsibility, As their 'stand-in' mum. No one asked me to do so. Bt I jas saw e need. Nope, I wasn't trying to replace their mum. I am never able to, have no right to replace her. "Dunia akhirat, ibu hanya satu." I even changed ma work schedule so that I could spend more time wif them. I'd check their schoolwork, bring them to e library, evening walks at e park, read em books, play wif em at e playground. They were on ma priority list. I was glad I didn't tie maself down to any serious commitment. For e first time, I sincerely appreciate the fact that I am single. It really is a good thing. If I was still in dat 3yrs rship of mine, I dun think I was able to do those things for the gals. Apart from discovering ma 'motherly instinct', I found a friend that was right in front of me all these while. Ma brother. We became closer. We'd talk abt stuffs we never talked about. Abt life, friends, love, music etc. We'd talk about who's hot, where's e best place to chill..to club..etc. I felt that we were in our teenage years..Hehe.. Indeed, it was a blessing in disguise. Ma breakup, his divorce.
The next third, was occupied wif ma dreams and ambitions being a biz owner. Hell yeah it is tiring..I gotta admit am not working hard enuf..Bt e biz did change me for e better. I learn to analyse wat's worth for me dreaming, working for. From this biz, I made frens wif very positive minded people. I'd learn a whole lot of things that I can't simply put into words. Its such a blessing that firstly, I was open enuf to noe wat is it all about. Secondly, it didn't matter whether anyone have any trust in u. Its just ur dreams that should be controlling u. Its ALL about dreams. On the other hand, I really have yet to discover ma dreams..Uhm..more like am still not sure what I REALLY want in life. God..believe me..dis biz..is more than just money. To see some of ma biz partners retiring already, I pretty much envy em..BUT.I have to remind maself that the hard work I put in is nothing compared to theirs'..Either I stopped envying n get down to biz..or keep on envying them, slogging away and let ma dreams (wic I am not pretty much sure of yet) die..If u were in ma shoes, what could be e obvious that u choose? ;)
These few months, I got acquainted to people I thot I'd never befriend in e first place. Ironically, they are e ones who treat me like family. They'd really help me out when I was in need. They dun just listen..but really help out. I had Farah sacrificing her evenings for me just days before ma Eng paper. I really appreciate that lots, gal. And wateva e result gonna be..I am still grateful that u helped me out. Not to mention Joyah..aduhai..she's one individual who really helped me widen ma horizons. Tho I've not been a gd fren to her. And from this circle of frens. I realised a whole lot things about maself. I am still e introvert person no matter how open I tried to be. So..that's me!
During the transition period of being a biz owner and a happy go lucky person. I found ma place in this world. I got maself closer to God. I won't elaborate further on this part cos I dun wanna be mistaken for a brag. Its btwn me & Him. "Dan padaNya tempat aku mengadu dan meminta."
Thruout e yr, one of e most important lessons I learned, as much as u wanna help sumone, there's so much u can do. If that person dun wanna help emselves..u should jas let it go..and pray e best for em. I learned to apply e 90/10 rule. Dunnoe if u guys heard of it before. I realised e importance of not feeling guilty when things are out of ur control.
I am proud of maself..hehe..that for dis whole year I didn't let love (like I told sum of u) affect me. Ma life was well spent getting acquainted to e ryt ppl. I didn't have to worry whether he's cheating on me. I didn't have to wonder where should we be heading for our dates. And still I am a person wif so much love to give. Nope..I didn't turn out to be a loveless person. I give it to those who deserve ma luv..Ma family, ma frens..:)
And I finally landed maself in a job I love!! Thanks to Vem! I owe u a treat..hehe..Woohoo!! Wat a great job to start e new year wif!
I wish I could go on wif e list..bt its mostly good things..and I pray it stay that way..I dun wanna remind maself hw bad things were sum of e times..It jas aint worth it. Its quite a short entry compared to last year. The energy is just different! I told u I have changed..I dun whine dat much anymore..Hehe..
Like every other year, I shall commit new mistakes to learn new things. I only pray e mistakes that I shall make, shall not be grave ones.
2006 is one of e greatest journeys in ma life. It was an 'educational' year for me. Many great things happened n e beautiful ppl I met was just an awesome experience. And love is definitely all around. And because of love, I survived.
And apart from all these 'learnings', I still can't figure out whether am I a sangguine, melancholy, phlegmatic or choleric..=D
To understand
To commit
To practise
To master
I've understood life..so far..bt I've got a whole lot things to discover. I shall pray 2007 have great adventures in store for me.
What I kinda look forward to in 2007 :
- Hanisa's coming back..I miss dis gal very much..thank god we have e msn to survive on..Hehe..
- Ma O level results. I still dunno wat am I gonna do if its a gd one. Bt I just wanna see at least a credit for ma Eng paper..:P
- To do best at a job that I semi dreamed of..Hehe..Go figure..
- To lose weight? To quit smoking? In planning tho..Khekhekhe..
- I wanna go for holiday..when, where, how, who..I dunno..(and am only 2 wks old @ ma new job..khekhekhe)
- To have bigger dreams to sustain where I'm at..even better to elevate maself to e nex pin level..;)
Most important of all, I wanna be a better friend to all, e best daughter, e great sister, e sportiest aunt, e sweetest lover, a better Muslim, a bigger dreamer n e list goes on. I won't call it resolutions..Is more like hopes and goals..
And whatever the outcomes maybe for anything, I shall accept them. Because only God has e best plans for me. And only He knows what's best.
"And I am still waiting e love in u to blossom..for me."
=D
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But now, am feeling kinda lost tho. How r u doing?
Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 01:48 PM in In Within Me
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