How is it going on for you?
I pretty much am trying my best to accept that it is all over in a jiffy.
I still pretty much question myself where did I go wrong. No doubt, I have concluded too that there was more than just you are not ready. I am just not the type that you wanted.
Don't get me wrong. I am not putting any blame on you. I am just doing this for my own sake. For my closure so that I can move on already. Cos it pretty much hurtful to be reminded of you all the time. To a point, I think I know your routine more than I know mine.
Was I falling for you already? Not quite. Because my idea of being in love is going through thick and thin together, knowing the good and bad and still love the same.
Was I attracted to you? Pretty much. Like I told you before, I don't quite say nice or positive things more than the opposite. In a lot of ways, we were pretty much similar, only that I didn't tell you so.
One of the things that I was mad about, was that, it felt like an insult. Despite all that you've shared, telling me you are not ready.. it is in fact unfair. It was indeed easy to say sorry, but I am the one having to go through this.
However, I have to thank you as you came clean with me early.
Will I ever have the courage to tell you all this? I doubt I will. Maybe, one day I will look back and laugh at it. And maybe one day too, I will still wonder what went wrong.
And that much of self talk I needed to send you that text last night. And I had to lie I was doing good. And I was just dumbfounded that I didn't know what to say next. To a certain degree, I hoped that you would just ignore the first text. So I could just move on already. But then again, I think you are just being polite.
And it's been 24 hours since you were last online.
Deep down, I hope we are still given a second chance. To rebuild the friendship first before we decide on anything.
And tonight, this shall be my lullaby..
GMT 12:28
09 April 2014
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