I wass going thru a few of ma journals of years ago. And I realized, I didn't change that much. I talked about running away from everything. I thought ma perceptionds on things are no longer the same. But it seems like, I'm still going thru e same shit. Only in diff versions. Seriously, I wish to live each and ecery day to the fullest, But only to realize, I blew it maseld. I can't figure what is it I'm looking for. I'm really tired. Just wanna go to sleep now. Too much had happened. How I wish I had that sickness Ashton got in 'The Butterfly Effect. So I could go back, recall and change.
Inilah dia perbualan org yang tak beriman. I really hate this… Feel like I'll miss a lot. This is so wrong.
Mana pergi bertahun² keluar masuk madrasah? Mana pergi berhari²… mengaji. Hafal surah… macam² lagi lah.. Untul apa ada keluarga yang kuat ibadah, tapi sendiri jerumuskan diri dalam benda yg tak diredhai..
Dah diberi kebebasan utk mencorakkan hidup sendiri, aku lupa diri. Bila tersungkur, lafaz kata taubat. Tapi taubat utk… lima minit??
Ya Allah! Kenapa aku masih degil? Aku sebenarnya menunggu nyawa aku nak diamik baru aku nak menyesal? Kenapa aku masih kalah dgn hasutan? Tak namoak ke benda² yg berlaku sekeliling aku? Tak cukupkah amaran yg diberi?
Dalam keadaan ajy berdosa begini. Aku masih ingat kemana harus aku tujui…
Menyampah??
Jangan…. Kau pun sama jugak…
Friday, April 01, 2005 at 10:53 AM in In Within Me
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